Dr. Dobson is 100% correct in his methods. It IS guidance by the Lord. Showing TOUGH LOVE is the only way to help someone you love. Be it your spouse, a child or a relative. The methods in this book are not tricks. They delve into the psychology of what happens when someone feels "caged" in a relationship. It's based on the well known fact "the harder you try and hold on to someone, the harder they fight to get away."
And this book is not just for Marriage issues. Dr. Dobson lists 16 things you need to know when you enter into a relationship that can keep you from blowing it. Had I known then what I know now, I would be upset at myself. I blew 14 of the 16 things and it's no wonder she ran away calling me "clingy" and "soft." I was and Dr. Dobson showed me exactly why.
This book is NO GUARANTEE that you will win your spouse or significant other back. But, like anything else, if you don't do something you will more assuredly lose them anyway. Pray hard and read this book if you want to keep them. Learn to give them space.
While I may have blown my chances with my ex (and I think I have) at least I am sure I will never repeat the same mistakes again.
Single or Married, you need this book! Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
Dr. Dobson deals with another everyday issue that many of us don't know how to deal with. How to say no to the ones we love. I read this book when I was dealing with an unfaithful wife. Everything I had said hold on to her and "force" her to come back. Dr. Dobson recommended giving freedom since in the end no one can force another into staying in a relationship. He also deals with rebellious children which is basically the same thing as a wayward spouse. Sometimes NO is the answer. Yes you have the freedom to act that way but NO I will not tolerate you acting that way toward me. Yes you have the freedom to leave, but, NO I will not be here when you get back. Yes you have the freedom to commit adultery, but, NO I will not stay married to you if you choose that route. Yes you have the freedom to stay out all night, but, NO you cannot live here and continue to practice that behavior.A lot of the advice Dobson gives is common sense, that some of us can't see! ! when we are in the middle of those emotional situations that require us to think logically. I highly recommend this book.
This must be one of Dobson's most well-known books and for good reason. First of all, it is NOT a book on child discipline - "tough love" is used so much in relation to child rearing that one might be led to think that, but Dobson was probably teaching on this topic long before the phrase became part of popular culture. (Dobson does have excellent books on child rearing, too, though!)This is a book on relationships, and how one must always maintain their dignity and confidence regardless of what the relationship throws his way, and how appeasement may force a relationship apart because lack of self-respect causes a lack of respect for you among others.Although the bulk of the book talks primarily of divorce, separation, affairs and other marital problems, the principles apply to ALL relationships, and I, a never-married single adult, benefited greatly from it. There is, in fact, one chapter, "Loving Toughness for Singles" which discusses applying the principles of the book to dating relationships.The principles of this book need to be understood by everyone who desires to have healthy relationships. And it would be better to understand them sooner than later, and have to apply the principles in an attempt to repair a broken relationship.
I got this book right when I discovered my husband was having an affair with a coworker. I was pregnant and taking care of two toddlers, and totally devastated as I went through the nightmare of shock and grief that infidelity causes. I started out clinging to my husband, begging him to come to his senses. Then I got this book, and immediately told him he was free to go. It took tremendous pressure off, but it was excruciating to really let him go at a time I desperately needed him. The hardest part was just getting through the denial stage. it takes so long to actually come to grips that your spouse is so far gone. But once I did that I was able to put Dobson's advice to work. That was six gruelling months ago, and I have just found Michele Weiner Davis' book, The Divorce Remedy, which I WISH I had known about from the beginning. She isn't christian, but her philosophy is near identical to Dobson's. She takes you through a very emotion stabilizing, proactive, productive journey at a time when you feel totally powerless. Her book is about finding solutions that work; Dobson's is more about just the 'tough love' philosophy, with christian sensibilities.
If you find yourself in a similar situation to me you will find both books incredibly inspiring and encouraging. All I can say is that the more self respect and detachment I can muster up, the more my husband seems interested in sticking around. The more I cling, the farther away he goes. I have now experienced this phenomenon repeatedly over the months. Every time I am tough, it gets my husband's attention. I have made some big mistakes, and had some triumphs. I am still trying to wait out my husband's mid life crisis, and I am learning so much about respecting myself while I do so.
If you are neither comfortable with filing divorce, or being a doormat, you will find lots of excellent advice here.
Seven years ago, my husband left our marriage and told me he no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. I begged and pleaded with him to return, but the harder I pushed, the more he pulled away. I felt like I had lost every bit of dignity I ever possessed until I read this book and realized that begging is not an effective form of human communication. I decided to open up the cage door and let my husband go -- come what may and to stand tall, no matter what the outcome. The result was not what I wanted: my husband flew out of the cage and never came back. In spite of that, however, I learned that it's not worth giving away your dignity to anyone, no matter how much you love them. This book was one of the main tools God used to help get through the most difficult times of my life and I recommend it to anyone who is going through a divorce or seperation. - Relationships - Infidelity - Divorce - Marriage Counseling'
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